I’ve always been the type of person who likes winning awards, even if they don’t mean anything. I’m also the type of person who doesn’t like to have to try very hard, so the “XXXL Challenge” at Fatburger, an average-sized burger chain with locations worldwide, seemed to be right up my alley. It provided me with an opportunity to acquire an award...well, really a worthless piece of paper, just for eating an amount of food that isn’t all that unreasonable for someone of my size. At the very least, it was something to do. The location I went to had a depressing atmosphere. Most restaurants, even the cheapest ones, have a hustle and bustle about them--people conversing, cashiers taking orders, music playing--but this one was deathly quiet. The other customers in the store had earbuds in and ate their food in silence while staring blankly at the wall. My burger was just as dismal as the restaurant. Despite the three giant patties wedged between the bread, there was only a measly half-patty’s worth of condiments on it; without them, it tasted precisely like its true form: one and a half pounds of gray, overcooked beef. Eating the whole thing was a chore. In the end I struggled to finish the burger, not because I was full, but because it was so overwhelmingly bland. When I finally managed to consume it in full, nothing happened. I had expected to be hawkishly watched the whole time to discourage cheating, but it turns out this fast food chain’s eating challenge doesn’t have much integrity. I walked up to the register and asked the cashier if I could have the award, and the manager came to rip the certificate off a pad and fill it out with magic marker. It was the most accomplished I had felt since winning the participation trophy in Little League. As part of my reward for completing the challenge, I had my picture taken and displayed on the wall. If you want to see it, visit Fatburger’s Studio City location; then, if you're hungry, go somewhere else.